in story of the prodigal son, what do you think the prodigal does during the party that follows his return? i’ve never heard any scholarly exposition on the subject, which is a bummer – i find myself there.

if i were to speculate, i picture the kid sitting at his father’s table. he’s surrounded by tons of grub. he’s got the pimp robe on, the sandals, his dad’s ring, but he’s shifting back and forth in his seat because his father’s servants threw all that gear on right as he got home – and he’d been covered in mud and crap (and still pulling pieces of hay out of his hair, do you throw that on the ground? is that rude?). so he’s totally messing all those fancy clothes up. speaking of the crap, he’s starting to get a feeling for just how bad he smells, since he’s around a bunch of normal, clean people.

and then there’s the bombshell his dad dropped on him. surprising him on the road back home, cutting him off in the middle of his well-practiced speech, blindly forgiving him, making that wild scene in front of the help. that was a few hours ago, and he’s hanging out at the party, still feeling stunned. he doesn’t know what to say to everyone. still extremely embarrassed, his pride shredded to pieces, he isn’t sure what to do now. he wants to feel utter joy at his father’s absolute forgiveness, but he’s still cautious, waiting for the other shoe to drop. he did so much wrong. it couldn’t have been that simple! right?

so there’s music, and everyone’s dancing, tito over there is about to start with the limbo. and good gravy those dudes can cook some meat. but despite grace, despite the celebration, he can’t seem to make eye contact with anyone. dad sits down next to him, eating a piece of cheese, puts his arm around his son, looks over and smiles, tears in his eyes. the son manages a half smile, his face turning red, looks at the floor. he feels remorse, relief, and wants to be as happy as his dad and everyone else, but something is in the way. what is it? he can’t put his finger on it.

at least, if you stuck me in the story, that’s how i’d feel. am i crazy?