(that would be peace sells… but who’s buying?)

i find myself very much at peace when i’m cooking. i’ve only been doing it for a few years, so i’m not sure if this is a recent development or what… i guess it’s the singularity of focus – a set of familiar building blocks and tools, a sort of confident creativity in using those materials… goodness, cooking is like playing with legos.

in any case. it is one of the only times of the day where i am not making a continual list of the next few things i need to do. occasionally this happens aloud – this is another recent development that is starting to annoy me. but i am carefree while chopping up an onion or stirring a pot of beans or standing in front of a live grill. it is one of the few things i do that doesn’t usually feel like a chore.

i think this is the peace i settle for; when i seek real peace i often find boredom. real peace, though, is more than just a sensation of relaxing or an absence of stress. real peace is the lack of any burden or weight, it is guiltless and joyful, it is freedom, and it comes from prayer and thanksgiving to God. this is not artificial or psychologically manufactured; indeed i have seen this thing happen in the midst of the most frenetic moments of my life. but instead i chop away at the burdens and pressures with worry and sweat (duh) and i find little relief.

i am fortunate that my burdens have been taken from me, the few moments of real surrender have given God enough leeway in my heart to slowly tweak my perspective.