i’m tired of conflict and fighting and arguing and i wish i never had to fight with anyone ever again

i feel like that probably three or four times a day

the only reason i have ever enjoyed it is the power it makes me feel like i have over others… when i couldn’t physically take someone down, i could out-argue them… plus i grew up around it and it’s kind of in my blood…

yet i hate it, i dread even small conflicts with my wife and my friends because of that awful pain in my heart that shows up… when we can laugh with each other, embrace and feel joy, remember stories from the past. we can feel good, celebrate, be happy.

we just don’t have the time on this planet to spend listlessly fighting with each other. i have been blessed with such wonderful relationships, with amazing family… the outcast i was at sixteen, pleading with a distant deity for someone to care about me, he is history and i have so much to be thankful for… how could i allow selfishness, pride, these horrors, to pick up weapons and attack them?

good gravy i sound like a hippie.

blessed are the frickin peacemakers, eh? what happened to that?